Ah, Wash West, that mad young limey fruit. Hes done it again. Just when we thought hed gone all crapola on us, hes pulled this slick, fast, funny and above all raunchy-as-fuck flick from his crazed imagination. Its a Jet Set Team production, and finally their crew of plucked and pumped-up beefcake truly deliver the goods. Granted, West could make paraplegic old nuns look shit-hot, so imagine what he does with the likes of stars Tag Eriksson and Josh Hammer.
This is porno pastiche on the scare-the-crap-outta-ya Japanese Ringu movies (and to a lesser extent, the American remake). West is a master story-teller, paying as much attention to script as to sex, and we begin with Hammer and Lang recounting the legend of a videotape that when watched will turn you gay within seven days. (In the original, youd be dead within the week.)
Turns out Hammer and some buddies have already seen it (Huh? Did they rent it from some videostore?) during their stay at a hotel, and lo and behold, Hammer starts idolizing Liza and watching Lifetime before our very eyes. Hammer tries watching cheerleader porn to no avail, but Langs erotic go-going soon gets him standing to attention. They kiss (Hammer watched the tape; whats Langs excuse?) and launch into the first of the films amazingly cum-stirring sex-scenes, as Hammer learns to swallow Langs wang like a good pussyboy. Having face-fucked his ex-straight-roommate Lang decides he wants a bash too, sucking Hammers pierced dong like a seasoned Hollywood hooker. Hammer gets his cherry popped over the kitchen table as Langs slow thrusts give way to piston-pumping pounding that sees both spew their juice over Hammers tattooed stomach.
Theres a sweet little bit next where Hammer plays acoustic guitar, singing about the acceptance of his true Nellydom. Its hilarious as he strums (without ever changing chords) though the poor lad is a little too gay-confused. Its dykes that play guitars. The only other gay man who ever played was Montgomery in Fame, and even he got replaced in the TV spin-off.
A journalist, Swedish hunk Eriksson, pops up asking questions, heading to the hotel (the Duck Inn) where muscular manager Taylor performs a jaw-dropping solo, guaranteed to get any muscle-worshippers pulse going ten-a-penny. Back to the plot and Eriksson checks in to the same hotel room as Hammer did, finding the mysterious tape and watching it. The phone rings In seven days youll be gay, a mysterious voice rasps.
Day One finds Eriksson visiting Hammers buddy Adonis, who tells of how he and fellow tape-watcher Tyson were affected too. [I was more intrigued by the fact that three straight jocks all shared one double room at the Duck Inn and began to suspect the tape was merely a placebo.] We flashback to Adonis and Tysons first night of full-on Dorothydom as the former pussyhounds discover that being gay like, totally rocks, dude by finding the nearest bed and getting to know each other biblically.
Tyson cant wait to deepthroat Adoniss suckstick, producing the most joy the sweaty jock has ever experienced. Hey, if they are having this much fun well have to start charging admission. Adonis gets his ass eaten clean before rubbering up and impaling his new lover, who proves to be a very hungry and powerful bottom! The studs testosterone-fuelled transformation scene climaxes with vocal-heavy lashings of liquid lust, as the do-some twosome run the gamut of sex-positions from Gay to Z. Oh, and Tysons Where the Wild Things Are tattoo is, like, totally gnarly, dude.
Their sweet romantic nature comes through as both confess their love for each other, dude. I loved the banana peeling symbolism: All together now - one-skin, two-skin, three-skin
By Day Four Eriksson is discovering the girls in Hustler arent doing it for him any more, instead concentrating on the guys pictured with them (its how I started too). He fantasizes about a couple on the page, but as he beats his uncut meat, the cameoing Hart keeps becoming the gorgeous (and famous-in-his-own-mind) Circuit Queen Killian, forcing himself on the slow-to-resist stud. But theres still three days to go, so Eriksson drops his cum-load before anything too interesting can develop. For shame!
Eriksson realizes he keeps seeing visions of a geodesic domed house (what, you mean Buckminster Fuller created the tape?) and breaks the news to Im-in-love-with-you Hammer. The two track the house to Roswell, New Mexico on Day Six, discovering that its owner died in a mysterious fire during an orgy many years ago. [Damn those careless Roswell kids. Poppers and cigarettes should never be done at the same time!]
As the two explore the grounds they peer through a window, spying on Tucker and Holloway, who are having sex inside. Tucker is first on his knees, getting his co-stars meat-puppet standing to attention whilst whacking his own dark, foreskinned wonder. Night falls, and the green room fills with mysterious masked guys, as blonde bucket-assed Atkins is served up for the main course.
This is what youve all been waiting for;
a scene so intensely erotic youll be licking the screen.
Wests sexual craziness is joined by the all-out-fusion of LaRues group-sex movies, Cadinots intense camera angles and the beat-em-if-you-got-em ethos of Gages infamous circlejerks as the anonymous dudes all join in, forcing their attentions on young Atkins, who cant wait to be spitroasted. Youll recognize some of the masked guys, including Ivy and Knight (who, incidentally, cant keep his hands off Bravo, who in top-hat and mask looks like a white version of the voodoo henchman in Live and Let Die). Keep an eye out for Rex Everything too, who came up with the whole film idea, probably explaining his constant looks to the cameraman, as if hes saying, Dont go ruining my vision, guys.
This startling tribute to Great Gangbangs of the Past ends with Atkins young slender frame coated with seven lashings of creamy goodness, joining his own spooge contribution that splashed across his stomach moments before.
All the while Hammer and Eriksson have been watching, finally knocking on the door to find Tucker dressed and ready to talk. [My first questions would have been, Hang on, didnt you die in a house fire twenty years ago? and You look well for someone with third degree burns, do you moisturize? It seems that Tucker just looks like the homes original owner and its a swingers club now; hes not responsible for the videotape after all.
Rushing back to the Duck Inn, Day Seven dawns and Hammer seduces the Maybe Im not gay after all journalist in the Weve-all-been-waiting-for-this denouement, that still manages to stand proud after the previous crazed fuckfest.
Not just crotch-baitingly scorchsome, this scene is also romantic, as deep-kissing leads to glorious scenes of face-fucking, ball-licking, sixty-nining and fingering before Hammer rides his Love Objects Love Object like a man possessed. [Wow. I gotta fall down this hole!] Both studs sizzle like mad, and the log cabin better hope it has a sprinkler system. Even Hammers dirty feet cant spoil it, and Erikssons champagne-cork popshot (Herr Kommen! Herr Kommen!) whilst Hammer splashes his six-pack is worth the cover-price alone. As they relax and celebrate their newfound love, Hammer romantically asks Eriksson to say something in Swedish. Alas, neither Ikea nor Glockenspiel are forthcoming.
I wont ruin the obvious ending, but Professor Frou Frou and her 192 IQ sees that Wash is simply suggesting that even in this day and age, to get someone to admit their true feelings it still might take a magicians sleight-of-hand - be it real or illusionary.
If youve just finished reading this review and the phone rings,
dont hesitate to answer it. Be sure and tell this and all future callers all about The Hole.
-Froufrou A. Gogo
Notes about the DVD:
The DVD is jam-packed full of amazing extras, including scenes from Jet Sets exclusive models other videos (musclegod Taylor still only solos) and a welcome four sequences of Danny Rhymes, who isnt even in this movie. Add to this tons of trailers, cumshot reviews, galleries and Website links and its the strawberry icing on an already yummy sex-cake!
-Froufrou A. Gogo
All images and courtesy Jet Set Team Productions.
(Used here with express permission.)
All text TLA Entertainment Group.
Click here for stills, notes, wallpapers, the film's trailer,
and more at the official website for The Hole.
